CHAPTER II. PROBATION.
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CHAPTER II.
PROBATION.
IT might be considered, in many respects, an untried sphere on which the youthful Preacher had now entered. The number of the public services, and the distance of the places from each other, and from Waltham-
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Abbey, the Superintendent's residence, required a larger amount of physical labour than hitherto he had been called upon to supply. Besides which, the tie to home, and to its numerous soothing implications, had to be broken. It was time to begin to endure hardness as a good soldier. There had been a charm about his home-popularity, surrounded as he was by a good degree of kindly deference and sympathy; and, to an innocent extent, it had the effect of sustaining his mind under discouragement, and inciting his emulation; but severer views of ministerial duty were now to be practically presented. He resided with the Rev. Isaac Bradnack, the Superintendent just alluded to; and, considering the eminent spirituality and benignity of that servant of Christ, who was soon after called to his reward, a fitter association could not have been made. By Mr. and Mrs. Bradnack, John was treated with even parental kindness: they knew his heart by what was passing in their own, and were enabled to soften much of the bitterness of a first separation from a loved home.
There were several families within the wide sphere of labour which then formed the Waltham-Abbey Circuit, which were soon enabled to appreciate the character and value of the stranger who had arrived among them;
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and these expected his visits with pleasure, and greatly profited even from the first by his ministry. Many of the villages, however, had been but recently brought under evangelical cultivation; and it cannot be wondered at, considering the adverse influences which are found to bear upon partially-informed and imperfectly-sanctified minds, that John should often have found himself in contact with persons whose words and ways subjected him to great trial. Quivering with sensibility as all his feelings were, he shrank with great pain from coarse-minded slights and familiarities, and from pertinacious and unreasoning ignorance, when that would oppose itself to principles of holiness and truth. When needless severities and privations were likewise laid upon him, he could not help feeling a little ruffled; not exactly with the hardships themselves, but with the apathy or discourtesy of those who imposed them. Often would he fly to an intelligent and sympathising person in his new circle, and give vent to what was occasionally an unbecoming vexation. Such trials must be borne, and some Ministers, of course, must bear them. Where they are laid on natures peculiarly liable to feel their bitterness, the merciful Father of spirits has a purpose to accomplish by the dispensation. If the narrow-minded and ignorant, and those who are weak
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or sickly in their Christian graces, are to be elevated and sanctified, some one must penetrate among them, and reveal the Gospel by his teaching, and illustrate it by his life. Even where success is small, the testimony has been borne, and Christ honoured. There is no doing good in a sinful and lapsed world, without undergoing suffering; yea, though it should be the suffering of receiving ingratitude instead of a reward. Our friend did not spare himself in body or soul for others; and it was a new thing for him to find, that self-sacrifice is sometimes met with indifference and unconcern. These and other circumstances of peculiar trial from persons of another class, and nearer his own age, contributed to cast him fully into the Christian battle.
An aged gentleman and his lady, belonging to the Church of England at Walthamstow, in particular, took great interest in his comfort and welfare; and with another member of the same family, a person of intelligence, experience, and education, as well as of piety, he had much profitable intercourse and correspondence. His visits here, and at Mr. Carr's, Sewardstone, (now of Brighton,) were tranquillising and refreshing to his own spirit. As Paul was greatly mindful of the tears of Timothy, so they were conscious of a strong attraction towards him, who, with a delicate
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frame, was toiling through an extent of forty miles, taking his journeys generally on foot, and adding to the exhaustion from this cause by a very rapid and laborious utterance, with mismanaged enunciation in preaching. A few extracts taken from letters to the friend mentioned above, tinged a little with that peculiar melancholy which was his inheritance through life, as it is that of many other gifted individuals, may be here inserted, to speak for him at this period.
Hertford, March 7th, 1831.
O HOW I enjoyed the perusal of Cowper's Letters! In reading, leaving out his Calvinistic reprobation, I could almost imagine my identity lost; as two rivers, though springing from different sources, sometimes so mix as to become one. O, if it were not for religion, with its supports, its consolations, and its prospects, I should be, as he was, of all men the most miserable..........I cannot but think, however, that it is possible to feel more pain and agony by sympathy, than the sufferer actually endures. I do not say this is a general rule, as the case I have just referred to is an exception; but both the reality and sympathy are bad enough. I hope you will let us have your prayers, that "the fire our graces may refine."
A month later, he writes as follows:--
BISHOP-STORTFORD, April 6th, 1831.
I KNOW it is impossible not to feel; and Christianity does not make the heart insensible, a rock of ice. But there is a special Providence; and unkind and unfaithful friends, thwarted and disappointed hopes, cross and
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vexatious visitations, are permitted, perhaps appointed, to strengthen and establish our religious principles; to drive us to put our trust and seek our happiness in Him who, experienced in all the trials and fears and sorrows and temptations of our nature, is "a Friend that sticketh closer than a brother;" and to cause us more intensely to desire, and more laboriously to seek for, a place of habitation in a better country; where the mystery of Providence shall be finished; where we shall see as we are seen, and know as we are known; where the Lord God shall wipe away all tears from all faces; and whence we may look back upon all the way by which we have been led in the wilderness, sometimes over mountains and sometimes through valleys. Perhaps there is a mystery in the case. Well, let it alone: it will open of itself.
"The bud may have a bitter taste;
But sweet will be the flower."
As to myself, I am ashamed that such feelings as I have lately fostered should ever have had a place in my breast; particularly when I think of the fewness and trifling nature of my trials, compared with those of the Man of Sorrows, the first saints, and many Christians of the present day,--who, though they are infinitely more pious and worthy and devoted than I am, have not half the comforts and enjoyments. O, my dear friend, after all, "the lines are fallen to us in pleasant places, and we have a goodly heritage:" let us, therefore, rejoice in the Lord, and joy in the God of our salvation; let us not, by the indulgence of improper and unchristian feelings, cause Him to change the course of His dispensations towards us. It is a fact, in reference to providential arrangements and appointments, that "whatever is, is best." Let us have grace, that our present afflictions may work out for us "a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory."
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What a strange thing it is that I should be appointed to preach at Queen-street chapel, London, on the 1st of May! I wonder what will be next.
WALTHAM-ABBEY, May 30th, 1831.
I am more convinced than ever, that those who are strangers to refinement of soul are in an equal degree hardened against the pressure of evil; while, on the other hand, as the poet beautifully expresses it,
"Chords that vibrate sweetest pleasure
Thrill the deepest notes of woe."
I must think, moreover, that it is of the utmost importance that we should improve by any "great fight of afflictions" which may befall us. Trials, particularly great trials, if they do not answer the ends intended, in correcting our errors, in improving our character, in sublimating our souls, in detaching our affections from the world,--generally have a pernicious and deleterious, and sometimes a deadly, influence; as severe medicine administered to a patient, when ineffectual, does not rest there, but poisons the constitution, aggravates the disease, and not unfrequently hastens dissolution. Let us not think it strange concerning these "fiery trials," but rather regard them as permitted in mercy, to answer some purpose which cannot be accomplished in any other way: let them alone; they will open of themselves; they are an enigma, the meaning of which
"Busy man's inventive brain
Toils to' anticipate in vain."
Only let us get more religion, and we shall praise God for all things; but most for the severe.
J. B.
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HERTFORD, June 11th, 1831.
THOUGH, as Foster remarks, "every mind has in its interior mansions a solemn retired apartment peculiarly its own, into which none but the Divinity and himself can enter,--in which retired place the passions mingle and fluctuate in unknown agitations," where there are laid up rolls of lamentation and mourning and woe, which no eye can peruse but his own, and the Eyes that see in secret; and though our outward circumstances may be far from what we should choose, or from being congenial with the feelings of our physical or our moral or our intellectual nature; yet there is something in having the recollection, the care, the sympathy, the affection of friendship, which
"Gives even affliction a grace,
And reconciles man to his lot."
Since I came home, (I am reminded of the line, "He has no home but heaven,") I have been looking at the paragraph to which you refer me as a sort of panacea; (2 Cor. iv. 17;) and, while I am thankful to you for your thoughtfulness, find my opinion confirmed, which I believe is a pretty general one, that the Greek has a fulness and strength of meaning which our language can neither embody nor express.
J. B.
But a heavier and more palpable sorrow was impending. Mention already has been made of Mrs. Bumby, John's excellent mother, to whom he was attached by a most reasonable and strong affection. The time had come, selected by Infinite Wisdom, when she mast depart hence, to be for ever with the Lord. Her call was sudden.
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Perhaps the circumstances under which the affecting intelligence reached him are best related in the words of the highly-esteemed individual to whom the preceding communications are addressed.
He spent the intervals of the day (the Sabbath, July 3d) at my father's house; and shortened his own morning's service, that he might join in the sacramental service at Walthamstow church; which he was anxious to do, as he had not commemorated the Lord's death at His table since he had entered the Circuit. He was in a sweet and sacred frame of spirit throughout the day; and some of the circumstances of it were so remarkable, in connexion with what took place but a few hours afterwards, that I may perhaps relate the particulars. In the evening he preached, with great feeling and energy, from 2 Cor. v. 1--4; and, as we returned home across the fields, on an evening of such brilliant beauty as even June does not often afford, the subject on which he had been discoursing seemed to have brought our feelings into a frame with which the splendour and stillness of the scene were in deep unison; and I remember that, more than once, we involuntarily stood still, as out of the fulness of his heart he talked of the things which were unseen and eternal. His mother was also the subject of conversation; and that, too, in connexion with the great and invisible realities which formed the chief topic. O how little did we then think, that the very sun which reflected such golden light upon all surrounding nature, was for the last time setting to her! Was it an emblem of the celestial glory, to which the terrestrial bore no comparison, into which her spirit was about to enter? On the following morning she suddenly departed. And it is somewhat remarkable, that on the
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Sabbath evening she had conversed about her dear son; doubtless with no less interest and feeling than he had manifested respecting her.
The following day, being a spare one, was spent in London, whence he returned to Leyton on the Tuesday, to attend the Quarterly-Meeting. He was again an inmate of my father's house, which he left the next day for Sewardstone, in a state of considerable weakness and relaxation; and I afterwards learned from him, that he was so much exhausted on his arrival, that the kind family whom he visited (that of John Carr, Esq.) insisted on his going no farther that night. Accordingly, he only returned to Waltham-Abbey in time for the Thursday evening service; and then, for the first time, learned tidings which overwhelmed him with affliction. The following touching letter was shortly dispatched:--
"July 9th, 1831.
"I WRITE a hasty line, to inform you of the melancholy and mournful event of my mother's death, which took place on Monday morning last, and was occasioned by an attack of apoplexy. I received the intelligence on Thursday evening, just as I was going to preach at Waltham-Abbey. Of course, I left forthwith; and, by journeying night and day, as fast as I could, have arrived at home this morning (Saturday). The funeral obsequies are over, and all things have settled down into sorrow deep and dark, like the waters of an abyss. My heart is broken to shivers, and bleeds and palpitates all over in pain and agony. 'Pity me, pity me, O my friend! for the hand of God hath touched me.' I have neither time nor power to write more, except to ask your prayers, and a letter as soon as possible.
"I am
"Your disconsolate and distracted friend,
"J. B."
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Again:--
"THIRSK, July 24th, 1831.
"So numerous have been the severe and cruel thoughts which have driven their ploughshare over my soul, in connexion with the painful bereavement of which I am the sorrowing subject, that I seem to be a heap of chaos and confusion. Perhaps, if I had prayed more for my mother, she would have been spared. Perhaps I loved the creature more than the Creator. Perhaps my being was too much absorbed in the idea of visiting home. Perhaps the little trials to which I have been exposed during the past year have not, on account of my impatience and fretfulness, accomplished the purposes intended by the Almighty, in the employment of such discipline, on my heart and character; and therefore He has heated the furnace 'seven times hotter than it was wont to be heated.' 'Enter not into judgment with Thy servant, O Lord; for in Thy sight shall no flesh living be justified.' My mother was my best friend. O that I had that which Mrs. Fry so beautifully personifies as patience!
'A spirit alive to every touch of woe,
And willing to endure it; a spirit sublime,
That feels and fears not, mourns and is content.'
I would do the will of God, if He has any will concerning one who is 'less than the least of all saints.' I feel, and frequently say, with old Herbert,--
'Only since God doth often make
Of lowly matter, for high uses meet,
I throw me at His feet;
There will I lie, until my Maker seek
For some mean stuff whereon to show His skill,--
Then is my time.'
"I am surrounded by friends who do their utmost to
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make me comfortable: but I have caught myself, once or twice, going from room to room, seeking my dearest friend; but she is gone to heaven.
"J. B."
THIRSK, August 5th, 1831.
"THERE are seasons when, as Byron somewhere says, 'the heart is so full, that feeling seems almost unfelt;' and when that which in a smaller degree would impart pleasure or occasion pain, by excess renders those who are its subjects incapable of the one, and insensible to the other,--unfeeling, unthinking, will-less, desireless, cold and mute and hard and dead as adamant. To such symptoms of mental and moral morbidness, I am far from being a stranger; but the reception of your letter, and the recollection of one part of its contents, have, since the period of its arrival, repeatedly tended to recall me from my usual state of breathing and actuated death; though the operation has been somewhat similar to the process of resuscitation in cases of suspended animation, which is described by those who have gone through the ordeal, as being one of inconceivable agony and anguish.........While I admire the ingenuity, I cannot but discard the logic as unsound and inconclusive, which endeavours to explain away the arrangement and determination of the Almighty's mind, and the interposition and superintendence of the Almighty's arm, in connexion with the afflictive circumstances alluded to; ......referring the origination of the purpose, and the controlment of the execution, to secondary and subordinate causes and agents; for these are no more than the war-weapon in the hand of the soldier, or the amputating-knife in the hand of the surgeon. I am a firm believer in the doctrine embodied and expressed in the following lines:--
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'God nothing does, or suffers to be done,
But thou wouldst do thyself, if thou couldst see
The end of all events as well as He.'
It is criminal, it is a kind of scepticism, to lose sight of God; for though 'clouds and darkness are round about Him, righteousness and judgment are the habitation of His throne.' Rather we should cherish the feeling, and breathe the prayer, 'Show me wherefore Thou contendest with me.'
"I do not know, after all, whether I shall have energy of resolution to start for Redcar, though the day is fixed upon,--Monday next. Thirsk, certainly, is nothing to me, with the exception of a piece of turf a few yards square; but, as Cowper said of Olney, 'here I can be miserable with the most convenience to myself, and the least disturbance to others.' But I will try to uncoil and unlair myself; for 'I must be about my Father's business.'
"J. B."
As the year had so nearly closed when our friend was called away from his Circuit, he did not return. By the kindness of the gentleman at Walthamstow, he had been taken several times to consult a London Physician, who could do little in his case but enjoin rest: this, however, he could not until now obtain, though the dispensation which procured it to his feeling heart was most afflictive. He remained in the north of Yorkshire during the sittings of Conference, and until he should receive his next appointment. The tone of the preceding correspondence, it will be observed, though devout
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and tender, was not perfectly healthy. There are some godly young persons of such a temperament, that their professed longing for heaven, especially at the age when the intellect is just brightening up, and the emotions set astir, takes the form of a sacred sentimentality; and is rather the recoil of a delicate mind from rude conflict and sorrow, than the intelligent and ardent desire of the regenerate spirit to obtain its nearest access to God. John's frequent exclamation, when tried and wearied,--"O, I wish I were in heaven!"--arose, no doubt, from a sentiment of this kind. Not but that he had begun to place his heart and treasure there; and that his chief delight was, after all, in that holiness which is the preparative for that state; for this was manifest in his steady and settled aims. Yet the tendency of which we speak is rather appended to true heavenly-mindedness, than to be regarded as an essential part of it. The Prophet Elijah, though this was not a sentimentality, once said, under a great pressure, "It is enough; now, O Lord, take away my life; for I am not better than my fathers;" but when the still small voice spake to him, he was amazingly strengthened and refreshed; he descended from the mountain to enter upon the scene of conflict and duty, and fill his whole circle with hallowed influence, until he was summoned thence. John needed to be fraught,
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not with the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. This trinal connexion of graces, so beautiful and impressive in its union, is not, like pardon, the immediate consequence of faith in Christ crucified: it rather implies and requires previous discipline, testing, and obedience; many gifts of the Spirit, and many uses of the same, in the varied acts and responsibilities of ministerial life. The scholar, however, was in the school of Christ, and said, like one before him, "Speak, Lord; for Thy servant heareth."
At the Conference of 1831, he was appointed to the Halifax Circuit, with the Revs. Abraham E. Farrar and Robert L. Lusher; men with whom he could labour in cordial sympathy and harmony. He was warmly received by his colleagues; and the power and pathos of his first public ministrations awakened the interest and inflamed the zeal of the several congregations. But the state of his health was far from satisfactory; his relaxed frame could not sustain the ardour of his preaching; and though he had every alleviation and help which an affectionate people could supply, yet he became weaker, and was taken, early in October, with alarming expectoration of blood. It was therefore imperative that he should desist. He retired to his father's house at Thirsk, and remained some weeks, cultivating those passive
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graces which proved so influential upon his character afterwards. That this was, at first, a time of searching and temptation, cannot for a moment be doubted. His hopes, should even health be restored, of spending life in full devotion to the ministry, seemed all but blighted. He was distressed to find that his internal resources were not more influential to sustain and tranquillise him; and yet God had so thoroughly separated him in feeling and desire from all secular pursuits, that, as it is with all who are truly called, the very idea of having to leave the pastoral work and betake himself to business, came like a cold wave, beneath the overflow of which his very heart seemed to shudder. His leisure and freedom from external excitements were, however, favourable to self-examination and prayer; exercises which were soon followed with the happiest effects. Peace began to fill his heart; and his physical state so far improved, that we find him returning to Halifax about the close of the year. Let us hear him speak for himself in this interval, through the medium of his correspondence.
TO THE REV. WILLIAM L. THORNTON, OF HULL.
THIRSK, November 15th, 1831.
My VERY DEAR BROTHER,
The frequency of your addresses I certainly consider as indubitable and irresistible evidence of the sincerity and genuineness of your regard. Many assume
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the name of friendship, when we are in circumstances of prosperity and pleasure, who are as aliens and strangers to us in seasons of sorrow and sadness. But a friend is born for adversity; and in this changeful and perfidious world, to meet with one who is alike attentive, affectionate, and sympathetic in weal and in woe, is refreshing as an oasis in the desert, and encouraging as grapes from Eshcol, and figs and pomegranates from Canaan.
From the time of my arrival at Halifax, I continued to get weaker and weaker, till about six weeks ago I began to expectorate blood, when I thought it was time to suspend operations; and, consequently, came home, for the purpose of resting a few days. But I found myself much worse than I had anticipated. Mr. Lambert, our domestic professional attendant, gave it as his decided opinion, that the blood proceeded from the lungs, that there was a total relaxation and exhaustion of the system, and that entire repose, both mental and physical, and a regular course of medicine, were indispensably requisite to a permanent restoration. The means employed have been beneficial. In a few weeks the hemoptysis ceased; and I was encouraged by the appearance of the most flattering presages of approaching convalescence. More speedily to accelerate this desirable event, Mr. Lambert recommended an expedition to Croft,--a watering-place of some celebrity in the north; and, having great confidence in his judgment, and a high opinion of the salubrious air and medicinal waters,--which I was to drink, and in which I was to bathe,--I ventured, notwithstanding the lateness of the season; and for some time seemed to improve, both in health and strength. But, alas! I unfortunately took cold, and was obliged, last week, to return home. I have a cough, of which I know not what will be the consequence; perhaps I am marked out, a victim for the king of terrors.
It is impossible for me to embody the feelings and
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fears, the thoughts and apprehensions, with which I have been harrowed and harassed, in consequence of my inability to attend to the duties of my office. I shall not attempt it.
"There's a language that's mute,
There's a silence that speaks,
There's a something that cannot be told."
I find it is much easier to work, than to suffer, for God. In labouring, when the motives are pure, and the ends legitimate, there is the testimony of a good conscience, and peace overflows the soul: but in affliction the mind is frequently perplexed, not knowing whether the visitation is in anger or in love; whether it is to be regarded as a punishment or a correction. Since I left Halifax, such have been the thoughts of my evil heart, and the suggestions of the enemy, that I have frequently been in heaviness; but I have not cast away my confidence. The best of all is, God is with me. It is my desire and prayer to be made perfect, though it be through suffering. I am learning patience. I know that God is love, that His work is perfect, and His ways are judgment; and am endeavouring to say,--
"If Thou me in a desert hide, And lay Thy servant quite aside, I patiently submit: For Thee if I must work no more, For Thee I'll suffer, and adore In silence at Thy feet."
At the same time, such are my views of the evil of sin, of the value of the soul, of the uncertainty and shortness of time, and of the lawfulness and nearness of eternity, that I should like a little longer to serve my generation, by exercising the functions of the office which I have been honoured to sustain, and which I prefer above my
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chief joy. And, O! if I get better, if God give me back my health and strength, with greater devotedness and faithfulness than ever they shall be employed and expended in preaching the unsearchable riches of Christ. But I must conclude. Mr. Lambert has just called, and says that I am much better. Praise the Lord! My very dear brother, pray for me: "The prayer of faith shall save the sick." If what is ethereal and spiritual in one's nature, by any possibility of contrivance, could occasionally for a season leave the earthly house of this tabernacle, I would soon be seated by your side. "O that in unfettered union spirit could with spirit blend!" then I would tell you a thousand things which cannot be expressed by the "thought-tracing quill." But, as this cannot be, cum tua sit anima mea. Perhaps you are aware that John Smith, of Sheffield, and Thomas Haynes, of Newcastle, have exchanged the services of the militant church for the solemnities of the church of the firstborn. I have also heard of the death of another young divine, whose name I forget. How loudly such dispensations speak! God bless you! Farewell.
I am, as ever,
Your faithful and affectionate brother,
JOHN BUMBY.
TO HIS FORMER CORRESPONDENT.
HALIFAX, December 15th, 1831.
I KNOW not what I can say, except that on the 7th my father and sister very reluctantly allowed me to leave home; that on the 9th I arrived at Halifax; that on the 11th I preached in one of the chapels; and that on the 15th, to-day, I am writing to you.
Since writing the above, I have almost come to the resolution of resting till the spring. Not that any new symptoms have appeared, or that the spitting of blood has returned; but I am the subject of such feebleness,
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and have such constitutional predispositions, besides the sharpness and coldness of the air on these hills of the West Riding of Yorkshire, that it is thought better that for a little time I should be wrecked on the desolate and dreary shore of worthlessness. But what will be the result, I know not. I leave the matter exclusively in the hands of the Almighty: "where He appoints, I'll go and dwell." With the kindness and sympathy of the Halifax people, I am astonished. What they can have seen in me, or heard from me, to create and call forth such feelings as are manifested, I know not. "Surely it is the Lord's doing, and it is marvellous in our eyes." The progress and prospects of the work of God here are most satisfactory and cheering. We have a revival. Last Monday evening several professed to find the Lord. The fields are white to the harvest. Now this makes the matter of my ciphership just now more difficult. I should have felt comparatively little, if I had been obliged to lie by amidst the sterility and barrenness of last year; but now that the harvest is waving, and even wasting, in the richness and luxuriance of full maturity, it is inexpressibly painful to stand by, being unable to bind the sheaves, or even to glean the ears,--particularly as such a storm [the cholera] is brewing and blackening in the north as threatens to desolate and destroy the face of the country. How do you feel in reference to the aspect of the times? For my part, I have cast my care upon God, and taken as my talisman the ninety-first Psalm. This is Saturday evening; and as I have to preach to-morrow, I think I had better defer finishing till Monday, that I may see and say how it shall go with me. I want to tell you how I shall be after my work, and to ask your opinion as to the best procedure to adopt; that is, whether it would be better to go home and do nothing, or stay where I am and do a little. O the burden of souls! O the responsibility of the ministerial
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office! I have not improved health as I ought to have done. Pray for me, that I may give up my account with joy. Amen.
Monday.--Well, I must now finish. I do not feel worse for my labour yesterday, and am exceedingly anxious to continue in my work. What shall I do? I had a letter the other day from a friend in Cornwall, who says I am a dead man if I do not desist, and wishes me to spend the winter at Penzance. I have been reading Croly on the Apocalypse: his views are exceedingly gloomy as to what is to befall us. Thorp's "Destiny of the British Empire," also, is a dark work.
J. B.
Again:--
HALIFAX, January 14th, 1832.
VERY soon after the arrival of your last, a particular friend of mine,--the Circuit-Steward,--in the generosity of his heart, devised and adopted the scheme of taking" me with him on an expedition to Manchester and Liverpool; from which excursion I only returned the other day.......I felt all the force of your arguments in reference to the expediency of retiring from the work for the winter; but I must say, that I have not yet seen the opening of the providence, or the pointing of the finger, of God in that direction. Since my return to Halifax I have only preached once in the week, which has not very particularly retarded the progress of convalescence; and God has owned the effort with the plentiful effusions of His richest and rarest influences. Besides, I am less anxious, than I should be at home, about my work; for I see how the places are supplied. The people say they are satisfied if they only see me, and the air is quite as good as it is at Thirsk. Now do not call me a self-murderer, or any other such hard name. It is the cardinal, the absorbing, desire of my heart, to bring many sons to glory.
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"I would the precious time redeem,
And longer live for this alone!"
.....When in Manchester, I spent some time with Mr. and Mrs. B., with much pleasure and profit. Mr. B. is in a most blessed state of mind. His late affliction has evidently been sanctified. He remains in Liverpool. I rather think he intended to go; but said, "he could not regard their unanimous and pressing invitation in any other light than as a direct proof of their determination to uphold Methodism as it is."
HALIFAX, February 14th, 1832.
MAY be, the Almighty, by these various afflictions with which we are visited, designs and determines, if possible, to make us eminently holy and useful. God, in the administration of His providence, has a reason for everything He does. O let us get more religion! then, very likely, the severe discipline and afflictive dispensations of which we are the subjects, will cease. But if not,---if, in the inscrutable providence of our Heavenly Father, trials and sufferings be still our portion,--why, food shall come forth out of the eater, and sweetness out of the strong: we shall have more efficient supports, richer comforts, brighter prospects, and be enabled to "rejoice in tribulation also." I know it is not easy to do so; but "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."......
As to myself, thank God, I continue to improve a little, but have not yet ventured to preach oftener than once a week. You ask something about my "ministry." I would have you to understand, that it is not anything I say or do, but "the overwhelming power of saving grace." O, it is easy, it is delightful, to preach when God is with us! I know not where I shall be blown next Conference, but hope to be able to take a Circuit.
J. B.
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Though John's efforts throughout the year were partial and interrupted, yet his ministry was made a great blessing. As the year advanced his spirit became more chastened and serious: his natural impetuosity and impatience, though not destroyed, had evidently given way under a sacred counteracting influence; and his entire demeanour in private was such as to prepare the people for hearing him in public with seriousness and respect. Many young persons through his instrumentality were turned to righteousness.
When the time came for the assembling of the Ministers who composed the Stationing Committee of the Conference, it was deemed highly undesirable, in the state of health in which our friend then was, to renew his appointment. Rest might restore him, and he be enabled to come from the probationary ordeal, and serve the cause of Christ for years; but to force his declining energies, as Methodism has no provision for mitigating its requirements on Ministers, would be to bring him to an early grave. Accordingly, in July, he received the following communications:--
DEAR BROTHER,
The Preachers assembled in Conference regret to find, that the present state of your health renders it necessary for you to retire from our itinerant work, at least for one year. They earnestly hope that this painful
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necessity will be but of short duration; and that, by the blessing of God upon the use of proper means, before the lapse of twelve months, you will be prepared, by returning strength, to resume your office as a Methodist Preacher; in which case it will afford them pleasure again to appoint you to a Circuit.
Signed on behalf of and by order of the Conference,
ROBERT NEWTON, President.
EDMUND GRINDROD, Secretary.
MY DEAR BROTHER,
I CANNOT but subjoin to the Conference-letter, that your case was considered with great affection and respect. Mr. Farrar pleaded strongly that you should be appointed to another Circuit this year; but it was judged proper that you should rest for one year, that, by the blessing of God, you might fully recover your health and strength. The cause of your retiring will be distinctly mentioned in the Minutes. If your strength permit, it will not be necessary for you to rest long. With sincere hopes of your speedy and entire recovery,
I am, my dear brother,
Yours very affectionately,
JOHN HANNAH, Chairman.
P.S. The result of the conversations upon your case will prove highly honourable to you; but I exceedingly regret the decision. Receive it, however, as from God; and rest assured that it was dictated on all sides by great affection to you. Business goes on well.
A. E. FARRAR.
John's judgment approved this decision; yet at this time his feelings had such powerful control over him, that had he been left to follow
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his own course, he would have toiled on,---prompted by pious excitement and unhindered by the people,--until he had utterly sunk. There are times when we absolutely need to be guided by others, especially when our feelings are conflicting and diseased. Young Ministers especially require a kindly and authoritative guidance by the hand of their elders. The doctrine of ministerial non-subordination may appear plausible in theory, and may square with some popular notions of individual right; but it is unscriptural, and, in a Connexion, impracticable. It was well for John that there were in the Conference pastores pastorum, as well as pastores gregis; for his life was saved, and his usefulness protracted, by their decision. It proved every way to his advantage, likewise, that the season of seclusion, as connected with self-scrutiny and prayer, should be lengthened out a little longer. How many with him have had to adopt the words of the Psalmist, and say, "It is good for me that I have been afflicted!" (Psalm cxix. 71.)
On the 19th of September he writes thus to a friend:--
As to myself, I am thankful and happy to say, notwithstanding my trials and sorrows, that I continue to improve in health and strength. I begin more clearly to see, and more fully to be convinced, that the dispensation from the excitement and labour of public duty,
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under which I am placed, although its aspect is dark and mysterious, although its visitation is severe and painful, is perhaps, after all, the best and wisest measure that could have been adopted for my full and speedy restoration to efficiency in the work of the ministry. At any rate, I wish to acknowledge God in this, as in every other dealing of His providence towards me, that He may direct my path, and lead me by a right way to the city of habitation. I have only preached twice since I left Halifax,--the Sunday-school sermons for our Thirsk folk,--when I felt to breathe my native element, and move in my proper sphere. In the ministry all my feelings, and affections, and desires concentrate and harmonise; and
"I would the precious time redeem,
And longer live for this alone."
At the preceding Conference, a Preacher had been appointed to take a sphere of labour around Denbigh, Mold, Holywell, &c., in North Wales, with special directions to minister to the spiritual wants of the English residents in that part of the principality. On the arrival of Mr. Wilson, who was so appointed, he found that he could not supply all the places that might be opened; and there appeared to be so clear a call for additional help, that he wrote to Mr. Bunting and the President of the Conference, requesting them to direct him as to the course he should pursue. These Ministers thought of our friend; they applied to him, to know the state of his health and strength; and, receiving a favourable reply, requested him to proceed to
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Wales, if he were not unwilling, and assist Mr. Wilson. He proceeded accordingly, and took lodgings with an aged Christian woman at Holywell. The congregations, being but newly gathered and small, did not demand much vocal exertion, as far as preaching was concerned: this was all in his favour; but the walks were long and fatiguing; great exposure to the weather was unavoidable; there were short intervals of rest between the services, and the accommodations were homely. The remuneration, too, as coming chiefly from the Connexional Fund for the home extension of the Gospel, was scanty; and this subjected him to many trials, which a thoughtful person can easily understand,--trials which a coarser or phlegmatic nature would never have felt. Nevertheless, he entered upon this sphere with a cheerfulness of mind which was almost new to him. It was not merely the rebound from depression and seclusion; but it was from the attainment of a measure of that "spirit of power" of which we have already spoken. Affliction, as connected with its hallowed results, had begun to teach him that a Minister's happiness does not depend upon the smiles and solaces of friendship, or upon a full amount of soothing external comforts, however tenderly he might be alive to their value; but upon the presence and favour of the great Master. There was discipline
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found in his Welsh appointment, as in the preceding ones; but here it was singularly sweetened and sanctified discipline.
A few extracts from letters addressed to the friend near London, whom he had seen on his way to Holywell, will show his inward workings at this period.
HOLYWELL, November 20th, 1832.
I HAVE just met the little class, consisting of five or six persons, that I formed into a Methodist Society last week, and have had a very comfortable and blessed time. The more I muse on the subject, the more I am "lost in wonder, love, and praise," that, notwithstanding my insignificance and unfaithfulness, I should, in the good and wise providence of God, be placed in such a situation as this. Here are many things which might be objected to by a murmuring and restless mind, it is true; but I will not, I dare not, complain. It is a situation which combines the opportunities of public usefulness and personal improvement, both physical and mental and spiritual. My heart's desire and prayer to God is, that I may be faithful; that my profiting may appear to all; and that, in the day of Christ, I may rejoice that I have not run in vain, nor laboured in vain. So much on Tuesday night.
Wednesday morning.--Since I saw you, I have sometimes called to mind, when I have had no other subject of meditation, the "new idea" which Mr. E. started, "that there is no being in existence strictly of the nature of pure spirit, except God Himself;" and think that, in one sense,--in the sense, no doubt, which he intended,--it is quite correct; namely, that no spiritual essence in the universe, with the exception of the Infinite Spirit, exists independently of some vehicle or clothing. Not
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but that spirit and matter are quite distinct; not but that spirit can exist independently of materialism;--but, as far as light is thrown upon the mysterious subject, from the hints and allusions which are made in the sacred Scriptures to the inhabitants and regulations of the invisible world, it would seem that the angels do not exist as spirits merely, but as clothed upon with a certain rarefied and sublimated organisation; and that departed spirits, the souls of those who die in the Lord, are not found naked, but clothed upon with the house which is from heaven. And as to the spiritual body, to which you refer, and of which the Apostle speaks, it may be remarked, that the expression means, that the resurrection-body of the saints will not be spirit,--pure, unmixed, abstract spirit,--but spiritual, free from the dregs and dross of matter, purified, etherealised, immortalised, like the glorified body of Jesus Christ.
But I beg pardon for the occupancy of your time and attention on such subjects, now that you are in the midst of the bustle and hurry of removing, and have things more present and palpable to attend to..........
I hope I shall be comfortable and useful--though it is almost too soon to give an opinion--in my new sphere of existence; but I sometimes feel sad and sorrowful. ......At the same time, I have access to God; the consolations of the Spirit abound towards me; the prospects of immortality brighten on my soul; and here is every encouraging indication that the time to favour this place is come. O for an outpouring of the Spirit! O for the souls of the people! I see nothing will do for me but corning out of myself. The mind is apt to prey on itself, and the spirits are liable to sink too low: therefore I want to forget myself, and circumstances, and sorrows, in labouring and studying and preaching and praying for God and the people. Do yon the same. When you get to C------, get among the people of God as soon as.
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possible. And O, let us not live unto ourselves, but unto Him that died for us!
J. B.
HOLYWELL, January 4th, 1833.
I BLESS God for His continued goodness to His most unworthy servant. My spiritual health, I trust, improves, as well as my bodily health. I have learned more of my own heart, more of God and Christ, since I came into Wales, than I did during the whole space of my lifetime before. Never did I see myself as I do now. O the depravity and deceitfulness of my heart! I am praying and hoping for a new, a clean heart,--"perfect, and right, and pure, and good." I am waiting and longing to be endued with power from on high, that I may be qualified to promote the honour of my Saviour-God, and do some good to my poor perishing fellow-sinners; and till this work is done, "till this power comes," as it is remarked by Mr. Fletcher in reference to himself, "I shall labour in vain, and spend my strength for nought." Help me by your prayers!
I speak from experience when I say, that it is only as we view the things of earth and of time in connexion with the solemnities of the judgment and the realities of eternity, that we can see and feel as we ought in reference to our circumstances and sorrows. Since I have endeavoured to live nearer to God, have prayed more fervently and constantly, and have been more in fellowship with Christ in His sufferings, my trials have appeared to be lighter than nothing, and vanity; and I have wondered, most of all, that God should condescend to use a rod over me. O help me to be more thankful!
The Lord grant unto us the faith which sees God, which obtains promises, which overcometh the world, which has "respect to the recompense of the reward," that we may rejoice in tribulation also. Whatever others
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do, I must live to God; whatever I gain or lose, I am determined to have, if it is attainable, the interior glory, the indwelling God. O let us aim at this, and never be satisfied till we are filled with all the fulness of God!
J. H. B.
HOLYWELL, February 8th, 1833.
I WILL only just add, in reference to myself, that God is with me:--
"He calls a worm His friend,
He calls Himself my God;
And He shall save me to the end,
Through Jesu's blood."
I am trying to live above my outward circumstances. Here is much that is gloomy, much that is discouraging; but I am endeavouring to gain a higher region. I want to regard the taking up of the cross, the renunciation of my own will, the deferment of hope, and a thousand other things which are far from being congenial with the feelings of flesh and blood, as blessings and pleasures. Who that knows anything experimentally, that has any personal acquaintance with God and Christ, but would delight to labour or suffer in His cause and for His sake? O for more love, and zeal, and faith, and patience!
HOLYWELL, April 24th, 1833.
SINCE writing to you last, I have sometimes been a little poorly; sometimes rather low, sad, and sorrowful. I hardly know why or wherefore, except that I have been so unfaithful and indolent in the ways and things of God; and sometimes, O, I have been so happy, that I could scarcely desire any other heaven. You can have no idea how good the Lord has been to me of late; how He has manifested Himself to my soul; how His secret has been with me, and He has shown me His covenant; how He
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has led me about, and instructed me, and kept me as the apple of His eye; how He has fed me with the choicest of the wheat, and honey out of the flinty rock; how He has anointed my head with oil, and made my cup to run over; how He has permitted me to dwell in the "secret of His tabernacle," and privileged me to hide myself in His feathers, and to rest under the shadow of His wings. Even now my heart melts, and my eyes overflow: they are tears of joy and gratitude. I cannot tell you what I feel. God is mine. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him. When I think of my insignificance and sinfulness,--an atom of dust, a depraved and wicked atom of dust, who has despised the authority and outraged the government of God, but who, nevertheless, has been pardoned and renewed in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God, and is now privileged to dwell in the house and enjoy the favour and friendship of my heavenly Father, the sovereign Lord of heaven and earth,--I am overwhelmed and confounded. "How precious are Thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them! They are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with Thee." "Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us," &c. O, it is a miracle of mercy that I, of all beings in the creation, should be thus favoured and privileged!--I, who am "less than the least of all saints." I feel that I am the chief of sinners; and yet, Jesu's blood avails for me.........."This, however," as Mr. Fletcher remarks, in one of his heavenly epistles,--"this is speaking too much about self: good and bad self must be equally denied; and He that is the fulness of Him that filleth all in all, must fill my thoughts and desires, my letters and my all."
There is nothing more certain in religion than this,--I speak from long observation and experience,--(you will say it is a truism: it is so,) that whenever Christians do
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their part in the work of prayer and watchfulness and self-examination and self-denial, particularly in the work of faith, faith working by love, then God will do His part, in giving peace and joy, in making crooked things straight, and rough places plain, in causing the heavens to drop down dew, in leading us into the paths of righteousness; in making our bones to nourish as an herb, in enabling us to rejoice evermore, and pray without ceasing, &c. It is because we will not [in a certain sense] pay the price, that we are so poor in spiritual good. It is because we do not labour for the meat that endureth to everlasting life, that we have to complain, "My leanness, my leanness." And frequently our troubles are multiplied because we refuse to receive chastisement; we make our faces harder than a rock, we refuse to return. The Lord be thanked that you and I have, in some degree, under the Divine blessing and influence, been induced and enabled to stir up the gift of God that is within us, and work out our salvation. O that we may be steadfast and unmovable, &c.! O that we may be faithful unto death, that we may receive a full reward!
HOLYWELL, June 6th, 1833.
That you may know how I do, or, rather, how I have been doing, I send you a short synopsis of my movements for the last few days. On Saturday, the 27th, journeyed ten miles; slept at St. Asaph. On Sunday, walked six miles, preached three times, took cold, had a violent toothache; sent for the doctor, but he durst not venture upon the work of extraction, stating that the offending tooth might break, and still give me as much pain as ever; so, as you may suppose, I dismissed him. Monday, poorly: visited the people, preached. Tuesday, walked twelve miles and preached; still indisposed. Wednesday, being weary with forbearing, went to a druggist, who, without any hesitation, courageously
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applied his instrument, and, after a desperate wrench, gave me ease: preached in the evening. Thursday, a little better; rode about fourteen miles, and preached. Friday, about the same, except preaching. Saturday morning received your letter; afterwards went to Mold, distance about nine miles, where I met with Mr. W., and expected to meet with the book-parcel, but was disappointed. Sunday, preached three times, met two classes, rode six miles; walked nine more in a dribbling, insinuating rain, which fell incessantly, and drenched me thoroughly. Yesterday walked six miles, and preached. To-day I have only had the class to meet, and find that rest to a labouring man is sweet. At the same time there is an undefinable gratification, or, I might say, deliciousness of feeling, in being worn out in the service of God; something far better than ease, or honour, or fame, or glory, or thousands of gold and silver, can bestow, And I would
"My body with my charge lay down,
And cease at once to work and live."
God is teaching me by facts and providences, as well as by His word and Spirit; and I wish to be a diligent observer and an apt scholar, that I may understand the loving-kindness of the Lord, and know what is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning me. O, the foot of the cross is a blessed place! to be less than nothing in one's sight, and Christ our all in all. Here the fruits of the Spirit grow in largest, richest clusters.
Your extracts from Hall's sermons so greatly delighted and profited me, that I shall not feel satisfied till I have the opportunity of devouring the whole. On the subject of walking with God, and holding fellowship with the Father of spirits, I have to say, as far as my own poor experience goes, that, though God is around, and above, and beneath us, as the atmosphere in which we live, and
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move, and have our being, He only manifests Himself to those who wait for Him more than they that watch for the morning, who walk by faith, who are all eye and all ear; and who, when He condescends to come down in the cloud, and open an intercourse with the soul, entertain Him with holy thoughts and desires; and, while He breathes upon and through them in silent and sanctifying inspirations, breathe back to Him in prayer and praise.
O what a state! What blessings, and privileges, and communications, and revelations belong to the man, the Christian, who can say, "Nevertheless, I am continually with Thee. When I awake, I am still with Thee. My soul followeth hard after Thee. Thy right hand upholdeth me." This is paradise restored. Here is celestial fruit on earthly ground. This is heaven begun below. Blessed be God, while I write, the best of all is, God is with me, and all my bones say, "Who is a God like unto our God?" I am the chief of sinners; but Jesus died for me.
"The Spirit answers to the blood,
And tells me I am born of God."
I see the beauty of the Lord, behold the glory as in a glass; and this is my experience: "Whom have I in heaven but Thee? and there is none," &c. I hear the voice of the Lord, and this is His language: "Son, thou art ever with Me, and all that I have is thine." Glory be to God! Glory be to God!
"I'll praise my Maker while I've breath,
And when my voice is lost in death,
Praise shall employ," &c.
It strikes me, that you are deficient in the "venture of faith." Mr. Fletcher says, "Sink or swim, a believer must learn to cast himself headlong into the boundless sea of Divine truth and love." John Smith says, "It is impossible to believe too much or too soon." Now, it is not what you were, or what you shall be, but how do
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matters stand at present? Have you free and open intercourse with heaven? Do you walk in the light? While you read these lines, God is with you. Where is your faith? Open your eyes, and behold Him; open your heart, and receive Him. Entertain Him. Detain Him and never let Him go. O that your "heart were all a heaven, for ever filled with God!" I am very glad and thankful to learn that the snare is broken and you are escaped. Take care lest you be again taken by the enemies. Now that the soul of God's turtle-dove has fled to His holy mountain, abide there; continue to hide yourself in the clefts of the Rock of Ages; and, by and by "the rain will be over and gone, the time of the singing of birds will come, and the voice of the turtle will be heard in the land." Not that you are ever to forsake your hiding-place; but being driven there first by necessity, you will afterwards, when the storm is past, abide there from choice; because "this is the hill which God hath desired to dwell in; yea, He will dwell in it for ever."
O what a year has the last been! Upwards of thirty workmen have been dismissed, and yet the temple of the Lord rises higher and higher. What an increase have we had! Mr. N. says, thirteen or fourteen thousand. So true it is, that God buries His workmen, but carries on His work. I am glad you profit by the ministry of ------. I was much pleased with a remark in Mr. B.'s sermon: "Even men who have more understanding than their teachers, always need the public ministry; and, if they are truly wise and humble, are always the first to value it, as calculated to stir them up by putting them in remembrance," &c.
J. H. B.
Shortly after the date of the last extract, he was called to supply for awhile a vacant place
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at Liverpool, and afterwards visited his relatives at Thirsk. By that time the Conference had again met; and, as concurrent testimonies seemed to justify the act, he was once more regularly admitted to pastoral labour, and now appointed, in connexion with several elder colleagues, to the important town and Circuit of Birmingham. This change, with its anxieties and responsibilities, stirred up his usual pensiveness; but he was not long in settling to his work, and pursuing it with characteristic ardour. This appears from the first letter written to the same friend after his arrival.
BIRMINGHAM, August 29th, 1833.
IT is one of the disadvantages of our present state of existence, that frequently we cannot do the things that we would. My time and attention of late have been so fully occupied with numerous and important engagements, that, occasionally, I have scarcely been able to attend to my devotional exercises. Nevertheless, it is a great mercy, a matter of thankfulness, that, while in the business of personal salvation it is necessary to be always at it, there is a possibility of attending to it and pursuing it in the midst of the greatest bustle and excitement in connexion with the affairs of this life; that, while our hands are here engaged, our hearts may be still with God. O for more of that holy abstractedness of mind, that mighty power of faith, which makes invisible things preponderate over visible things, and raises the future above the present! At the same time, the longer I live, and the more experience I have in the things of God, the more fully am I convinced, that without stated times for self-examination, and prayer, and meditation, and a strict
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and conscientious attention to such appointed seasons, it is impossible to maintain anything like fellowship with God or a healthy and vigorous piety. Here, as in other things it is a truth, "The diligent hand maketh rich." The Lord help us to walk in all His commandments and ordinances blameless! But this is a digression, or, more properly, a parenthesis or two.
I have been in Birmingham since Saturday night; and allowing, of course, for the awkwardness and embarrassment which one feels in new scenes and among strangers, I am pretty well, and have the prospect of some degree of comfort and usefulness. But O, I often think of the blessedness of our friends departed, who have passed the swelling flood, and have entered upon the possession of the celestial inheritance! Who would not depart and be with Christ, which is far, far better? I know you sympathise with and pray for me. May God bless you for it! Still pray that my faith may not fail, that I may be content with such things as I have, that I may stand in the evil day. O, it is a difficult thing to be a Christian; to war incessantly with the world, the flesh, and the devil, and hold the mystery of faith in a pure conscience; especially it is difficult to be a good and faithful Minister of Christ Jesus! "Who is sufficient for these things?" O that my sufficiency may be of God!
I do not know how I shall stand the work of this Circuit, but hope to have strength according to my day. We have five chapels in the town, several of them very large: the congregations seem to be good, as far as I have seen them: the work is nearly all in the town. The Society for a long time has numbered about two thousand, a few over or under every year. Thank God for two thousand; but I want to see greater things than these. Here is need of a mighty breaking up and a breaking down amongst the people. O what a wicked place is Birmingham! The flood-gates seem to be open,
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the fountains of the great deep seem to be broken up; and, I was going to say, one universal deluge covers all. Still there are a few righteous, a few praying souls; because of whom, and in answer to whose prayers, God suffers long and is kind, so that chaos does not come again. O for the spirit of prayer, for faith as a grain of mustard-seed, that we may remove mountains, and prevail with God! I hope we shall have a glorious work.............I cannot preach, I cannot live, except sinners are turned from darkness to light, and from the power of Satan to God. What is a Minister's work but to save souls? Without this, whatever may be his talents, his learning, his eloquence, his popularity, whatever he is or does, his work is undone. I know it is God that saves the soul; but He works by means; and wherever and whenever a man is called to the ministry, and is faithful, (I mean to his God, and to his own soul, as well as to the people among whom he is called to minister,) God will work with him, and signs and wonders will follow. For myself, I know, if I had been more faithful, I should have been more useful. The Lord pardon His servant in this thing, and help me henceforth to be all that I ought to be, and to do all that I ought to do, that I may rejoice in the day of Christ that I have not run in vain nor laboured in vain!
J. H. B.
BIRMINGHAM, October 15th, 1833.
If I could have done according to my will and wish, you would have had a letter long before this time. Truly I am more fully engaged and occupied, if possible, than ever I have been before. I do, indeed, frequently sigh for the seclusion and silence of my late retreat among the Welsh mountains: at the same time, I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content; and find that a contented mind is a continual feast.
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As to myself, I feel more earnest desires, more ardent longings, stronger outgoings and outstretchings of soul longings lengths and breadths, and depths, and heights of the love of God in Christ Jesus.
"My soul goes out in strong desire
The perfect bliss to prove;
My longing heart is all on fire
To be dissolved in love!"
I feel in myself that I am nothing, less than nothing, worse than nothing; polluted and sinful dust and ashes. As a Christian, I am but a stunted, ill-thriven plant in the vineyard of the Lord; but a dwarf in piety, a very novice in the knowledge and experience of the deep things of God: but at the same time my soul shall make her boast in the Lord. In Him I have righteousness and strength; in Him I have pardon, and purity, and life, and peace, and health, and fulness of joy, and well-springs of blessing, and a young heaven on earthly ground, and glory in the end. Jesus is mine! "The Lord is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in Him." But O, I want a larger grasp! I want a firmer hold; I want the faith. Blessed be God, I have the principle; but I wait and pray for that enlargement and maturity, that perfection and omnipotence of faith, by which I shall be enabled to apprehend all that for which I am apprehended of God in Christ Jesus; by which I shall
"Comprehend the' Eternal Mind,
And grasp the Infinite;"
by which I shall be
"Fill'd with all the Deity,
All immersed and lost in God."
Glory, glory be to God!
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"His love is as great as His power,
And neither knows measure nor end,"
As to the state of things in Birmingham, we have a gracious movement among the people; the congregations increase; expectation is awakened; the spirit of prayer is given. We have had a few drops, a few rich drops; and there is the sound of abundance of rain. But I am more convinced than ever, that "neither is he that planteth anything, neither he that watereth, but God that giveth the increase." Saving souls is God's work. Still, He uses means. O that He would condescend to employ me, the unworthiest and most insignificant of His servants! O that He would speak by me, and make me wise to win souls! They are perishing;--souls that were made in the image of God, only a little lower than the angels; souls for whom Christ died, capable of bearing the far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; souls immortal as God, and lasting as eternity;--they are perishing, blinded, and darkened, and hardened, and deceived, and spell-bound, and enchained by Satan. With diabolical pleasure he sees the avenues to the pit that is bottomless full and crowded; while God is insulted, His authority despised, His law trampled in the dust, His threatenings defied, and all "in His own world!" Christ is crucified afresh, and put to open shame, The Spirit is resisted and grieved. O what a state of things! It is impossible to look around without shuddering. O that my head were waters, and mine eyes fountains of tears! May God arise, and maintain His own cause!
In this spirit he prosecuted his labour through that year. As might he expected from his ornate rhetoric and impassioned manner, he was a great favourite, especially with the
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younger part of the community. Mr. Waterhouse, his Superintendent, was too noble-minded a man to do otherwise than rejoice over the popularity of his junior colleague, and was chiefly concerned to use his own personal influence which seemed to be that of father and brother combined, in such a way as to render that popularity unhurtful to John, while he availed himself of it, in his office of chief Pastor, as a means of deepening and extending the work of vital religion. This spirit was hardly less exhibited by the other Preachers; so that they were a band of united fellow-labourers, and the year was one of great harmony.
This, too, was the last year of John's probation. The question was now pending, whether he should be admitted into full connexion,--in other words, ordained to the pastorate.
During his abode in Wales, he had been enabled to go through a considerable portion of the higher theological reading which the Conference requires of probationers; and though more arduous and numerous public cares called for his attention, yet here, also, he endeavoured to economise time for the prosecution of that purpose. The Theological Institution was not then set up. A Committee, appointed by the Conference, were engaged that year in arranging a "Plan," as it was termed, "for the improvement of the junior Preachers;" and the
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subsequent adoption of their Report led to that efficient and valuable provision which has since been such a blessing to the Connexion. It was his ardent desire after something of this kind which led him to speculate at one time, as we saw, about going to the University of Edinburgh; though that project was providentially frustrated. His exuberant fancy needed, at that time, chastening by logical discipline, his judgment enriching by larger knowledge, and his expository deductions correcting by more accurate biblical scholarship and culture. This had been attained in part; though it would appear that, in the entire course of his ministerial reading, as it may be called, he gave a preference to those works which appealed more directly to the emotional, than to the reasoning or understanding, faculty. These last were not neglected; but, as his was rather an awakening and spirit-stirring than a teaching ministry, he ever sought for appropriate oil to feed the flame which so many rejoiced to see and apply to, in order to kindle their own. Every man in his own order. And yet, though that is the most successful and powerful appeal which is founded on previous teaching,--a conjunction exhibited, for instance, in the sermons of the Rev. Joseph Benson, and the Rev. Dr. Adam Clarke,--no form of ministry, however thoughtful it may be, and elevated in its thoughtful-
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ness, can be tender, impressive, or attractive, if devotional reading, such as that which stirs the affections, be neglected. John anticipated, too, those solemn questions which are proposed to every probationer, respecting his own spiritual state before God, his habitual realisation of the Divine favour through the Spirit's testimony to our adoption, his power over sin, and his purpose to observe those ministerial rules laid down by Mr. Wesley, which, being formed by the most translucent and simple-minded piety, can only be consistently observed by its permanence in the heart and life. These questions would be most appalling to an insincere or flippant aspirant to the office of a Wesleyan Minister, as indeed they are sufficiently so to many, who are of a character the reverse of this,--most earnest, most conscientious. Yet the spirit of the New-Testament charge, in reference to the bishopric of souls, is such, that the solemnity of these inquiries could not be lowered to suit a low state of grace. A Wesleyan Minister, therefore, passing through this ordeal, must either become a public blessing and benefit, or, proving unfaithful, "forsaking" us through loving this present evil world, must sink into the guiltiest and most sinful of men: a momentous alternative, it will be said! It is so, but a most necessary one; for all alternatives affecting the state of Christianity
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and the souls of men, are momentous. Such interests cannot be tampered and played with, as men play with the intrigues of a secular party, or the evanescent theories of shifting popular opinion.--The imposition of hands in ordination, had not, up to this time, been adopted. The subject had been introduced some years previously into the Conference, and many highly intelligent members of that body desired to adopt this primitive and scriptural rite. Great respect was due to those aged Ministers who had been accustomed to regard it as an innovation, and an innovation it might have been deemed, so long as the Methodist Societies were theoretically held to be included in the pale of the Church of England. But now, as separate communion was unavoidably established, and as it was palpable to all men that the Preachers were placed by Divine Providence in an unencumbered pastoral position; no reason remained why the solemn separation of candidates to the office laid on them by the calling and law of Christ, which calling, and their own fitness to fulfil it, had been tested in their course of trial, should not be marked in the impressive manner observed by the church in all ages. It was felt by most, even now, that to come nearer to holy Scripture was not to depart from John Wesley: especially as he, by his own practice and example, had sanc-
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tioned the act, in ordaining, by imposition of hands, Preachers to serve in Scotland and elsewhere; that is, where no previously-constituted church could claim them as members of its distinct communion. Two years afterwards, at the close of a serious and most brotherly debate, the practice was fully adopted. At the same time, the form of setting apart candidates, or, as it was called, admitting them into full connexion, had all the essentials of ordination; for it involved strict examination, appealing to the people in reference to their blamelessness and having a good report, obtaining their testimony and the expression of their purposes, and committing them to the Head of the church in earnest prayer.
When the time, therefore, arrived, John proceeded in the fear of God to London, where the Conference of 1834 was held. He passed his final examination with honour. There were misgivings still as to his health, but they were overruled; and having "professed a good profession before many witnesses," he was affectionately received, with others like-minded, into the full charge and care of immortal souls.
The intelligent reader cannot fail to perceive, that the whole time of his probation was a season of growth, as a Christian, in grace, besides being a course of disciplinary preparation for more influential and onerous labour. He who at Waltham-Abbey shrank from exter-
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nal discomforts, and occasional collision with rude and unfeeling minds, now began to learn to endure hardness: he who longed then to flee to heaven, and be at rest, through a morbid and tender sentimentality, or recoil from the shock of battle, now paused to reflect, with deep Christian faith and feeling, on the holiness of that better world;--that nothing that defileth can enter there; and that it is best to cherish life, health, and energy, in order to win more victories for Christ, and so, following Him, to bring many sons unto glory: he who would then vent himself in expressions of vexation and disgust at whatever was violently opposed to his will or taste, now began to possess his soul in patience, and stay himself on God, in order to be ready for all surprises. He was pensive still, and still earnest, faithful, and confiding, as well as eagerly desirous of the requital of friendship. But he was more holy, he had more of the mind that was in Christ. Nor does the improving process terminate here. "They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; they shall walk, and not faint."
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